Eks-boypren . . .

"When I take a look at the stars at night, I wish you were here, right by my side... I miss you, I really miss you..." Anyway this is my x-grlprn ...

These words flashed right into the screen while my good friend and I were surfing the net. And somehow, those phrases stirred up dormant emotions inside me and never left.

"This is the saddest birthday I've ever had", muttered I in between sobs while my ever devoted roommate scrambled for comforting words to calm me down. Well, I only got myself to blame! For it had been ages since my X and I broke up but even though he's already tied up to someone else, I admit, I sometimes fantasize that "we" could be back in each others' arms again.

Perhaps, that is what they call the hardest part of in missing someone. When you can actually see him and get into a conversation or even exchange cheesy text messages with him. But afterwards you feel bad about yourself for indulging into such pleasures that later on will only leave you disappointed...

And the worst part is, the next day, you came across this person you'd been crying over the other night and you have a big hearty smile plastered all over your face. Hypocrisy it might be, but what puzzles you the most is how all the HURT inside you just pops out of the window the moment you see his face. And then, the guilt resides again.

Many times, I had said to myself that this had to end. Forget him, forget about him and blah.... but still the same scenario kept on repeating itself. Dismissing the thought of him or his presence for a time, deleting his 11 digits on your phone, keeping yourself busy with school responsibilities, hanging-out with girlfriends, setting "eyeball" with guy textmates, pouring pent-up emotions on the cold microphones at a videoke bar with your co-(trying hard) singers and the lot...

And then that tricky feeling of missing someone creeps around the corner again. So much for loving someone too much, haha... That for some time you tend to be irrational, illogical and in our very own language "TANGA".

For a time I kept on believing that someday, somehow he mightjust realize that if there's one person in this world that he needed, it's me... And now I have come to realize it was the other way around. That it was me who kept on believing he was the one I needed. I'm a hopeless romantic, indeed I am, and that is why I ended up with too many heartaches over only one person.

I know I'm not the only person who gets hurt. In fact, all the people in this world are hurting. It's not the world's obligation to keep us from getting hurt, not because we are nice or kind-hearted. People will hurt us, fool us and leave us behind but we still choose to love, because if we don't, then we might have chosen not to live life at all.

How romantic... haha. That's what you get when you watch too much drama and read too many romance novels. So you better not to. And for those of you who are into the habit, cut down a little. There's nothing wrong with being mushy and emotional, just don't let it get the better of you. Remember that relationships end because of only two reasons: 1. Wrong timing. 2. Wrong person.