Quarter-life crisis

During the past few weeks, apart from keeping up with the deadlines at work I spent most of my time thinking. Reflecting, and I believe that that brief encounter with Michael even though that was a mistake and has caused dormant and erratic emotions to reawaken, it had led me into a revelation of myself. It made me stop and ponder on the current situation where I am in.

A revelation I call it because it brought about many questions about myself, about the thing that I want and do not want. It made me realize many things about my character, attitude and my personality.

One of the things I have realized is that it seemed to me that I have been living two lives. A part of me desires to serve the Lord, while the other is a remnant of my old self. I started to see that if I continue living like this then I would have to waste my best years in life. I realize that being blessed with a new life in Christ, indeed I have to put aside my old ways, habits and beliefs. I also found out that most of the mistakes of my youth is caused by setting aside the virtues taught by my family and life's principles I have established for myself. Indeed, it is not wise to lower our standards to accommodate the flaws and lapses of the world. That as we grow old and chase our goals, it is wise to keep our integrity and age-old values intact. For everything in this world are vanity and chase of the wind.

I also learned that I have traits that needs to be developed and attitude that needs correcting. And the good part is, there is hope that I can change. As He has promised in His word in Gal. 5: 5 and 22; " For through the Spirit, by faith, we await the hope of righteousness" , "In contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.". Reflecting in His word I learn to recognize my weaknesses and strengths. And it gives me joy to know that I can be changed from the person I am now to the the person God wants me to be.

In my reflection, the book "I kissed dating goodbye" which ate tonet lend me did a very great help. It gave answers to the many questions I had in mind. I was able to understand and appreciate one of the greatest blessing that God has given me. The "single" life. I have come to understand more about the reality that God indeed have His plans all mapped out for us, if only we allow Him to Work into our lives and put our trust in Him wholeheartedly and faithfully.

I admit until now I still struggle with discontentment in my career, however I must remember that God does not look on our achievements or how far one has climb into the corporate ladder but on our hearts and attitude towards the work we are doing. That its not what our superiors or colleagues think about us but of how God sees the works of our hand.

I have been reminded of my being very prone to worrying. That it is not good to worry, as it is said in Matthew, Sufficient for a day is its own evil.

And the feelings I have for Michael, I realized that, I need to let go of them. I learned that I need to work on myself more. That I cannot learn to love anyone in a romantic way or more intimate way, unless, I have learned to love Jesus and make Him the center of my life. That loving someone is always putting the other person's benefit before oneself. Which I found out I was not able to do for Michael, I found out that I was selfish and that the relationship was not healthy, though I can still pursue friendship with him it wouldn't work until we both are able to let go of the feelings that linger when we are in each others company. And indeed the best way to do it is to really STOP and move on.

Still there are many that I have learned to grasp throughout my reflection but one thing really matters. And that is albeit the afflictions I have encountered, it happened in order for me to learn His laws. And in spite of the chastisement I have received, His edicts remain just and He remains faithful.